Marriage Can Be Successful
Have you ever driven down a street lined with beautiful homes and wondered what was going on inside the homes? Many homes are beautiful on the outside but filled with misery on the inside.
Considering that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce, it is obvious that a beautiful home is not enough to assure a successful marriage.
A good marriage must have a good beginning. This means that those contemplating marriage must be very careful of their relationship prior to marriage. Never was this more important than in this day of loose morals and permissiveness. Sexual relationships before marriage will affect the emotional health of married parties for the rest of their lives.
But what is the difference if two people love each other? There is all the difference in the world. Self-respect is completely ignored in such a relationship. What is often thought to be love proves later to be seduction. Regrettably, this is rarely realized until after marriage and then it can result in a hasty divorce. Moral standards before marriage are of extreme importance for the welfare of both parties as well as the success of the marriage.
Marriage should never be entered into without much thought and prayer. It is not as one young lady said, “If we don’t make it, we can get a divorce.” God never intended divorce. Because of the hardness of hearts, He permitted it, but it was not His plan. We are told in Matthew 19:6 that married couples become one flesh. Further, Jesus said, What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. What God starts, He finishes. Those who know the Lord should be aware of the biblical teaching relative to the permanence of marriage.
Some people seem to have the idea that marriage is like a box. The groom puts the ring on his bride’s finger; he pays the preacher and receives a box filled with goodies. All that has to be done after that is to keep picking out goodies. But it doesn’t work that way. Rather, marriage is like getting an empty box into which both parties keep putting in good things such as love, romance, kindness, and thoughtfulness. One can only get out of the box what he puts in.
Successful marriages do not merely happen. Those involved must work at it constantly. Somebody has said, “Marriage is a happy struggle.” For many, however, it appears to be an unhappy struggle.
It has been surprising on occasion to see young people get married, who seemed to have all the essentials for a successful marriage, and yet it did not work that way. Why? It could be the result of one or more reasons.
There may have been a lack of devotion to Christ. Though there was lip service, a real heart commitment to His control was unknown. When Christ is Lord of the life, regardless of the problem, there is always a solution available. When the Lord Jesus is in control of both lives, there will be harmony, even though there may be occasional differences. On the other hand, if Christ is not given His rightful place in both lives, what could be a happy home often becomes a little hell on earth.
Sometimes marriages fail because of a lack of sexual compatibility. This is where trouble begins in many homes. It is important that every believer study carefully 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 and put these principles into practice.
Another major problem has to do with in-laws. Many otherwise happy marriages have been wrecked by in-laws. Living with his or her folks can be one of the worst mistakes young people can make. There are two words our Lord used in Matthew 19:5 that we must never forget - leave and cleave. Jesus said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife. If this truth is respected, the in-law problem will be solved. In marriage, the husband and the wife must always have precedence over mother and father.
There are various other problems that can spoil a marriage such as finances, selfishness, and immaturity. But whatever the problems, there are steps that both the husband and the wife should take to remedy them.
1. The husband must realize that his wife is not his property, but his partner. He is not a dictator, but a loving companion in the Lord. 2. He should not expect his wife to be the wage earner. There are some exceptions, but if at all possible the wife should be a homemaker and a mother. 3. He should never feel that his business is not his wife’s business. He should share things. Many rough spots could be smoothed over by simply talking things out. 4. His wife’s love should be kept by the same kindnesses that were used to win it before marriage. 5. He should cooperate with his wife in administering family discipline. 6. He should endeavor always to enter the home with cheerfulness. 7. No one should ever be allowed to criticize his wife, including his father or mother. 8. He should compliment his wife about something each day. 9. He should do all in his power to make his home a sanctuary for God.
1. The wife must realize that she is obligated to try consistently to be the woman her husband married. 2. She should not expect the luxuries her father gave her after his many years of hard labor. 3. She should practice the important virtue of good humor, for her smile can bridge many a gap. 4. She must not nag her husband or her children. 5. It may take grace, but she should learn to coddle her husband. 6. She should realize that her husband’s frank approval is often more valuable than the flattery of strangers. 7. She should never overlook the importance of cleanliness and an attractive appearance. 8. She should never listen to anyone who attempts to criticize her home or husband, telling her that she is having a hard time of it and ought to do something about it. 9. She should commit all her ways to the Lord, knowing that He understands every need and has promised to help.
Take these essentials to heart and put them into practice and you will find that they will do wonders for your marriage. At the same time, keep in mind that Satan is out to destroy marriages. Considering the facts, he is quite successful at it. Thus, we must be alert and watchful while keeping close to the Lord.
Actually, it is not marriages that fail, but people. A young woman was heard to say, “My marriage has failed.” She was wrong. She and her husband had failed. Every time a marriage goes wrong, two people fail. Each is quick to blame the other, but both have failed.
The fact cannot be emphasized enough that those who enter into marriage should really know the Lord. They must not only know Him, but also follow Him day by day, living in a vital relationship to Him. Crumbling marriages could be salvaged if the husband and wife would give Jesus Christ the preeminence. It is easy to become mastered by self and our petty problems and overlook the major problem, the lack of a personal relationship to Christ.
Should it be that you need Christ in your home, now is the time to do something about it. Don’t wait for your mate to get right with the Lord. You get straightened out with God and then you can pray for your mate. The Lord wants to work in your life now. Will you let Him? Take Him into your life, if you never have! If you know Him, be sure that you let Him be Lord of all.
J. Allen Blair
REFLECTIONS with Dr. Blair
Over 2 million people die in the United States every year. This means that almost 6000 people will die today of various causes. Many people who left home this morning never dreamed that it would be their last day on earth.
Some years ago it was reported that there was an accidental death somewhere in the United States every five minutes. About every 12 minutes, someone died in an automobile accident. The Bible teaches that it is appointed unto men once to die. Our appointment with death is as certain as the sunrise or sunset. God asks in Psalm 89:48, What man is he that liveth and shall not see death? In the light of this, don’t you think all of us ought to prepare for the future by trusting in Jesus Christ the Son of God?